@Ugomozie This man is telling me a story about how he dated a gorgeous blind girl in college…. I pitty the poor girl. Smh.

@deadstockric ladies, time for a new cologne..any ideas ?

@philfromreason “Don’t bet the farm, ’cause the guy who wins it from you’ll starve your favorite cow”

@TruthWasHere Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains.

@thinkBIG_blog My 4-year-old son has a new motto: “It’s not time for chillin’, it’s time for killin’!” Usually says it when I say, “Daddy wants to relax.”

@bobbyhundreds Whenever I’m on the phone driving and a cop pulls up behind me, I hurl my Blackberry on the floor like it’s got AIDS all over it.

@OnAwardTour Everytime I leave a class dealing with the studies of past generations I am reminded of how completely awful our own is. We suck.

@MsShill In queens. Smells like hot dog water.

@JohnnyCupcakes Is it me? Or does everyone use the word ‘debauchery’ when they’re referring to a night out drinking?

@peeweeherman SO EXCITED! The Pee-wee Herman Show LIVE – Official Announcement & Details! http://bit.ly/19v7oI

@DeeandRicky meeting with CONVERSE™ today… Dee&Ricky™ & CONVERSE™…. booyah!

@Skighwalker “The Dream looks like the hamburgular with no mask on” (via @cthagod) …ahahahahaahhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha!!!